Today, I want to dive into a topic that will probably extend over a few posts. I don’t think Imposter Syndrome can be covered in one conversation. Join me with your cup of coffee; my coffee cup is placed to the right of my computer for easy accessibility. Let’s dive in.
Imposter Syndrome is feeling like you are tricking people into thinking you are better than you are. The notion is rooted in not being able to accept accomplishments. Keep in mind, I am not a psychologist, and I don’t intend to misrepresent anything. I am only speaking about my experiences and encourage you to do your research if the topics I mention in this post resonate with you.
Once I started talking to others about my feelings, I have met people in all different areas of life that told me they felt the same. I have spoken to people in the Entrepreneurship space, during my Master’s degree, and people within the creative world who have admitted to feeling a form of imposter syndrome. It was evident that this a widespread problem that people face.
For me, I suffered from it for many, many, years. Hopefully, by showcasing my story, I can help somebody else by confirming that others have similar issues and that you are not alone. If others can benefit from suggestions that have helped me, then that is even better.
As far back as I can remember, I’ve been someone with varying levels of imposter syndrome. When I was in Middle school, there was an equivalent to a sports competition but within the arts. A series of individual events would take place, such as figure drawing, playing instruments, and singing. Then, in the end, the marching bands of both schools would compete against each other. It was a pretty cool school event that would take place during the summer months. Since I sketched all of the time and had a keen interest in art, my mom signed me up to the figure drawing event. This was the first time, in my memory, that I really started to compare myself versus others, and I could quickly tell that I was not as talented as everyone else. It felt like I shouldn’t even be there, does that make sense? The other students that were apart of the competition appeared to be so much more talented.
I believe situations like that occur in all facets of life for people. Here is another example, when I first got into entrepreneurship maybe a year into my journey, I started going to this local event in Fort Wayne named 1 million cups. It was designed to bring entrepreneurs together and help each other solve problems. At the end of the presentations, they would ask questions of the whole group. Since I was a new business owner, I did not feel like I would be able to contribute in a meaningful way. It was another situation of not feeling good enough or that I belonged. These feelings were self-imposed and not the fault of my middle school or the 1 Million Cups event. In all honesty, when I pushed through and did start talking with others, I felt included and deserving to be in attendance.
In this next description, I have only told a few people because I thought it was strange. So you are getting an authentic inside look into the way my brain used to work. I had this weird association with myself, where I compared myself to a werewolf. Yeah, you read that correctly. Before I can explain, let me make another point that might give context. I truly believed that I was pulling a veil over everyone’s eyes. I was somehow tricking everyone into thinking that I was likable. If you had any positive feelings towards me, I had somehow tricked you.
The werewolf description came in to play because I believed that I was tricking everyone by presenting the human form. Yet, the monstrous beast lived underneath, and if you saw this version, your positive feelings toward me would vanish. I don’t know why I was giving myself that distinction; I’m sure that there’s a lot of things from a childhood perspective, we don’t have to get into that barrel of monkeys. Yet, I do think that a lot of people have a version of this sort of description for themselves.
COMMIT TO BEING TRUTHFUL WITH YOURSELF
I think that there are ways that you can mitigate imposter syndrome for yourself and make it easier to be more confident in your work, which leads to your ability to ask for to start asking for more money for your skills as an entrepreneur. The first tip that helped me the most was committing to being truthful to myself.
Because I built a persona that I believed was tricking people, I was making choices that I thought people would like instead of making choices based on what I wanted. For example, it turned out that I had a lot of anxiety and depression but was not aware of it. That might sound strange, but I did not know I had anxiety because I was unsure what it was “supposed” to feel like when an attack took place. I assumed the feeling was of frustration, not anxiety, only because I did not have any context. Plus, being a person with anxiety would not have fit within the persona, so I just tried pushing away any feelings or thoughts that did not align.
A book that I read a couple of years ago titled “I Hope I Screw This Up” by Kyle Cease unlocked something in me. I made a choice, to be honest with myself, and as I started down the path, things began to become evident within my life. Understanding the difference between frustration and anxiety started to become apparent. These sorts of realizations could only happen when I was able to get out of my way.
STOP TRYING TO FORCE / CONTROL THINGS
Another one of my theories, based on my own experience, is that the imposter syndrome thing comes from somehow wanting to control an outcome. Wanting a certain kind of job, a certain type of person to appreciate and compliment your work, a certain type of status, or something that you are trying to acquire. However, along the way, these items don’t feel earned, and so you can not accept any accomplishments.
I think it was nervous about who the real Jay Johns was. I was attempting to avoid people disliking me. I was worried about ridicule and judgment. What’s fascinating and is borderline cliche, once I was honest with myself, once I started going after goals that I wanted instead of what others would appreciate. Negative opinions just stopped hitting my radar. It became very apparent that negative opinions only matter when you are trying to live a life that is not truthful. Those opinions matter because they expose your lie, and you do not want to be pointed out. That is when the notion of being an imposter sets, but for me, I was indeed an imposter because I was not making choices that served my happiness. My options, at the time, were designed to impress others, which is a lousy way to live.
Part of reducing imposter syndrome is understanding what you want to achieve in life—then doing your best to stop controlling where that leads and enjoy the process of what you’re doing. Be happy living in the now, and try to find things that you’re appreciative about at this moment. Don’t live so far in the future; that’s one of the problems I was having. I was not taking a step back and just saying, “Wow, look at what I’ve accomplished, look at what I’ve learned, and look at what steps that I took.” Being proud of myself instead of regretful.
RECOGNIZE THAT PEOPLE DO NOT HAND OUT COMPLIMENTS
Part of the imposter syndrome, for me, was not believing people when they liked my work. I was always seeing the small things wrong with my work and could not accept that people liked it. Once I realized that people would not compliment me for no reason, it changed my viewpoint. I do not believe that people walk around handing out false compliments. You’ve done an excellent job, and your work was worth seeing, it was appreciated, and it was valued.
STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS
You can’t successfully compare yourself to somebody else because they’re on a different path than you. All you are doing is needlessly making life harder on yourself. Some people are going to have a way more natural ability at whatever you’re trying to do, but they still might not be as successful as you. Do your best not to compare to somebody else; it’s how did you compare today to you of yesterday. Peace of mind follows this step. I do my best only to compare myself to yesterday, compare myself to last month, to compare myself to last year. It has been such a positive shift in perspective for me and has increased my overall happiness levels.
FAILURE SHOULD NOT BE A DETERRENT TO HAPPINESS
My final piece of advice that has worked for me is looking at failure as an opportunity. Imposter syndrome would spark up if something good happened; all I could focus on was the mountain of failures that came before. I could not appreciate the good things because the bad stuff stayed in focus. They were staying in front and center because I was keeping a bad association with failure. Once I started looking at them as learning lessons that lead to good things, my whole world opened up.
Get yourself in a place where you are as comfortable as possible with failure. Get in the habit of trying stuff to see where it lands, once you can look at failure and say, “I gave that a shot, it didn’t work—moving on!”. You will not hold onto the mental checklist that faults like a boulder strapped to your back, and you will be able to appreciate the successes. As an entrepreneur, you can use your failures as a way to connect with potential clients. You can demonstrate what you have learned because of your experiences, which builds trust.
I know that it’s going to take more than just one conversation. Hopefully, I was able to give some useful advice around imposter syndrome. If you have any questions, make sure you reach out to me because I would like to have discussions on this topic. I would like to continue to be an open book as much as I can about my experiences and helping other people through theirs I hope you have a great rest of your day I’ll talk to you soon.
YouTube Version:
Podcast Version:
-Jay Johns
Founder/CEO
3r Interactive, LLC
